I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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