Don't you send me to vm
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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