Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
