I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
