I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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