my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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