They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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