dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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