the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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