Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize