and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize