I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
