Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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