So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
