Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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