Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
