Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
