had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
