p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
