i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
