Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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