3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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