Who wears a wallet chain?!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
