Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
