remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize