what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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