Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
