i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
