Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
