My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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