We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
