I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
