you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
