I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
