thus making me awesome and them whores
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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