I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
