Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
