I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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