Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
