There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So much Jack, so little girl.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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