That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
