smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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