I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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