i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
