I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize