The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just had sex bonerless
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
