I hate your face
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
