I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
