SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
