I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
