so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
