Soap is not a condiment
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
