is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
