im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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