so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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