you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
