bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
