dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Randomize