Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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