she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
