you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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