I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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