i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize